Dec 262012
Rising Dove of Peace - Drawing by BZTAT

“Rising Dove of Peace” – Drawing by BZTAT

When I was younger, there were things in my world that I aspired to change. I have always been one to wax philosophical, and I have often held to lofty dreams.

As a child and as a young woman, I dreamed of what my world would be like when I reached the age that I am at the present. And I did all that was in my power to make changes happen so my dream world could come true.

I dreamed of a world where fighting nations found other ways to settle disputes. I dreamed of a world where child abuse, domestic violence and other social ills would become obsolete. I dreamed of a world where human beings became smarter and kinder and more effective in their pursuits of happiness.

I dreamed of a world where gun violence was gauged according to it being a rare event, not according to how it rated against last year’s numbers.

I dreamed of a world where our growing body of intelligence helped us learn to work together instead of developing technologies that made it easier for us to blow each other apart.

I dreamed of a world where common sense became more common, and selfish rationalizations became rarities.

I knew that these hopes and dreams would not all come to pass in one lifetime, but I honestly thought we would be closer to them than we are by now. Instead, I look at my world and wonder, how can it be that we are farther away from these things than ever?

At age 50, I struggle to reconcile the fact that, despite my efforts, and others’ efforts from my generation, my world totally contradicts that which I had dreamed it would become.

Was I a fool to think it would be any different? Am I bitter and cynical and not seeing the forest for the trees? Am I having a “mid-life crisis”? Or is life just bigger than I thought, and beyond my limited imaginings?

I have no answers. I am not even at a place where I can posit any assumptions.

Recent events (Newtown, CT shooting; Webster, NY fire and shooting; 2012; “fiscal cliff” negotiation breakdowns; Syrian Civil War; etc.) have shaken my usual optimism.

Where does a dreamer go from here?

Life is an Adventure!


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  1. This resonates with me too. In some ways it was easier to hide from the issues before social media put it in our faces. If it wasn’t for the cute animal pictures I might have dropped my personal Facebook account before the election (and it doesn’t seem any better now). Seems like for every step forward we loose ground in other areas. But there are positive things happening – we have an African American in the White House for a second term, a Governor and an entire female Congressional delegation from New Hampshire, more and more states approving marriage rights for gays, and we are on the eve of universal health care. Today our local news station ran a discussion on whether Westboro Baptist should be reclassified as a hate group. If we went back to the 50s and suggested these things could happen in our lifetime, people would have laughed. So I guess we keep on keepin’ on.

    • Thanks for your comment Nancy. I was feeling pretty low when I first wrote this, but have been buoyed by the responses of friends here and on Facebook. I agree, we have moved forward in many ways. And like you say, I probably avoided seeing things before that I cannot avoid now because of social media. I think as we grow older, our perspectives change, and we reach a point where we wonder, was all that effort we gave to causes throughout our lives worth it? I do believe that it was, and it still is. It is just overwhelming at times how much farther we have to go. Nonetheless, I am not ready to stop charging forward. 🙂

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